On Intelligence....... Dear Future (Insert Title Here) Part 1B

Last month I did a tongue in cheek blog called Dear Future ( Insert Title Here) Part 1 where I dropped a few nuggets about myself for my future whatever he may be.  One of my friends commented that I didn't mention my intellect and knowledge which he thought were some of my more attractive qualities.  This made me reflect on why I didn't mention that I am extremely intelligent.  Not Mensa smart mind you, but smart nevertheless.   So here are my reasons, in no particular order:

1.  I am a G.R.I.T ( Girl Raised in the South) 

I was raised by my paternal grandparents and  I was brought up to exercise humility, to be polite, not to brag about what I can or cannot do, how much I know or do not know and to listen more than I speak.  To glean knowledge but not necessarily broadcast that I had it.

2.  It brought me unwanted attention.  

I could read before I started school and the high school and elementary schools were only blocks away from where I lived. When I started first grade I would walk to school with the neighborhood kids.   Once the high school and upper grade elementary school kids found out I could read (I don't know how they found out, probably from my uncle who was only two grades ahead of me) they would give me their books and make me read them aloud to show off to their friends and I became known as "the smart girl" and almost EVERY day I had to do this.  Once I started learning math I had to start showing them I could work their level of math.  

I felt like a sideshow act and hated being the focus of attention for so many people but I was too timid to say no.  After a while adults started doing it as well and my peers treated me like some sort of anomaly.  This was extremely difficult for a introverted little girl with very little social skills.  It wasn't until much later in life I learned:

3.  It's not an attractive quality in some people.

You know those people, those who know everything (or think they do). Those who always have something to say, who are the experts on everything, and a day can't go by without them expounding on their knowledge, thoughts, opinions etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH.  It's obnoxious and unfortunately I work with some of these types.  Also I believe you don't have to be the only one with an answer or solution and there are others, who given the chance to speak may have a better way or answer.  I try to NOT be one of those people.  Honestly, sometimes I fall back to amuse myself.

 4.   I sometimes have to deal with simple minded members of the opposite sex.

I was sharing with a guy I had been dating that I am much more than physical attributes (since that's all he wanted to constantly comment on) and he replied "Carol, no one cares about your mind.  That's not what I'm thinking about when I look at you."  Needless to say I friend zoned him with a quickness.

5. I don't like talking about myself.

 I don't why I am as guarded as I am but I don't feel the need to let anyone know everything. I feel if you take the time to get to know me you'll find out all there is to know. A good friend told me my thoughts reminded him of The Art of War (which I have never read) so I took a quick look and it did have some useful quotes about how I think.

6.  Last but not least, I don't know everything! 

I'm smart but I'm not that smart, LOL.

So I hope this answers my friend's question.  Thanks for making me think about it!!

Sisterhood, not a Destination but a Journey

March 15^th always rings a bell for me, it usually takes a second for me to realize it’s the day I was initiated to my sorority.  Then it brings back a flood of memories…

I went to college with financial aid and scholarships from three predominately African American sororities (shout out to Zeta Phi Beta, Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta) so my junior year I decided to look into what these sororities were about and ultimately decided to pledge one.

 I went into the process not knowing who would be taking the journey with me.  Ultimately it was me and four other ladies, none of which I knew and didn’t recall seeing around campus.  We had different interests, lived in different dorms, had different friends and had no classes together.

Throughout our process we went from five to three , three  who studied together, walked together, talked together, laughed together, cried together, sang together, recited together, faced challenges together, sometimes lived together ( and sometimes disappeared together, LOL) . There were times I wanted to quit, times I wanted to fight and times I was scared out of my mind but to leave would be leaving two parts of me behind.   

In time we three strangers learned as much as we could about each other and became friends.  Early in the morning on March 15, 1985 the girls from Salisbury, Greensboro and Fayetteville became more than friends, they became sisters.  On that day Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated gained three beautiful, intelligent, talented, awesome sorors known as the Encore line.

The years have taken us to different places with different careers but time and distance can never break the bond we have and though we don’t talk every day when we do talk or get together it’s like we’ve never been apart.  Encore, Encore always leave them wanting more!

 Happy Zetaversary #3 ( KTC) and #4 ( Snapshot)

Much love from #1 ( Maestro)

Celebrating our 30th year in Zetadom, can't wait to reunite in 2020 at Centennial!

Discovery: The Power of NO

I recently attended a women's retreat at one of my girlfriend's church and we were studying the book The Emotionally Healthy Woman by Geri Scazzero.  While studying this book I learned something about myself.  I have problems saying no.  Amazed that I discovered this about myself after 54 years on this planet, I decided to try to be more cognizant and practice speaking my truth.  The author suggested you speak the truth in the following ways: respectfully, honestly, clearly and timely.

Needless to say, once you determine you're going to do something you are immediately put to the test.  The retreat ended on a Saturday afternoon; I planned on leaving immediately afterward and going home to get some much needed rest.  My friend had been going through some things and decided to go to the mall and do some retail therapy.  Did she ask me to go?  No.  Did I volunteer to go?   Yes.  Test #1 EPIC FAIL

OK, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!!!  Determined to make this happen, my next opportunity came at the place where I spend most of my time: work.  Swamped with my own work and covering for my counterpart who was on vacation we had another team member to email me at the last minute and copy my boss to say she was going to be out during the same time period and needed me to cover some jobs for her.  My response was respectful, honest, timely and clear when I said no and stated my reasons why.  My boss intervened and pointed out that I was the only one who had access to all the programs needed to do the person's job and while she had requested access for others it was too short of notice for tech support to work on it.  Test #2 not my fault, but nevertheless ,FAIL.

I was going to make this thing work so  I made a concerted effort to say what I mean and mean what I say.  The next opportunity presented itself a week later while attending church with my sorority sisters.  My plan was to attend service, pick up some lunch on the way home and enjoy it in front of a movie while getting some much needed rest.  After service the discussion of "Are you hungry?"  "Where are we going to eat ?" " Are you coming?" came up.  I immediately said yes and started to my car when I got a nudge from my conscience.  I went back to the group and said" You know, I'm tired, I think I'm going to go home." and said my goodbyes.  You know what?  The world didn't end!!  Test #3 PASS

Then came the biggest test:  Thanksgiving.  I always go to my hometown and spend time with my family.  I also have standing invitations at three friends houses every year but for some reason this year I wanted to see if I could make my own dinner and spend a peaceful day at home alone.  So after much inner turmoil , debate and prayer I contacted my family and declined ( not without some discussion, LOL), contacted my friends and declined and did what I wanted to do .  Guess what?  The meal was delicious, the day was peaceful and most importantly I did it my way!   Test #4 PASS

So does this mean I have mastered the art of saying no?  I'm still a work in progress but I'm going to keep working at it until it becomes second nature.  This blog and the pictures on it will serve as my reminder.  Sharing it with others will be my accountability.  Wish me luck!

Dear Future (Insert Title Here) Part I ( repost from Feb 2019)

Dear Future .. ( I don't know what to call you yet husband, boyfriend, soulmate?)

There's some things you need to know about me so I thought I'd give you some advance notice now so you won't be thrown totally off guard.  See I'm complicated, I'm serious but not too serious, silly but not too silly, I'm an extroverted introvert, I'm loud and I'm quiet, and I'm bold and I'm shy.  In essence you never know what you're going to get. (Why did that line "Life is like a box of chocolates..just pop in my head?)

So there's a couple of things we need to discuss.  I'm a daddy's girl so if I mention I want something 

 if it's in his power I get it (within reason, and it's not often I ask for anything).  I'm going to need you to get that concept too, but don't worry, I'll do the same for you.  

Travel:

I'm a carefree, happy go lucky person and I like to travel and learn new things, if you do too, great!  If not, I'll see you when I get back; but don't think I won't miss you when I'm gone.  If you want to go by yourself, awesome!  Just don't always leave me behind.

Cooking:

Not my strong suit, I can but I don't get all excited about it and it's not one of my favorite things to do.  I get times where I want to cook and experiment, but I can order a mean takeout!

Music: 

I love it!! Especially Old School R & B, Rap and Jazz.  I'm also a little bit Country and a little bit Rock and Roll, LOL.  So get ready for some singing in my car, in the shower and at random times at home.  Dance moves included on a good day!

SEX:

We'll talk privately but let the bold caps give you a hint.😉

Religion:  

Simply put......

These are  just a few keys to Carol,  until then......................................

A Valentine's Playlist (reposted from Feb 2019)

I recently received a Valentine's Day Playlist from an e-magazine I subscribe to and in the spirit of the holiday (and Black History Month )  and because I am a fan of  love I decided to do my own playlist.   I wanted to limit it to 50 songs ( that was super hard!) and I wanted to include a few newer artists even though I am definitely old school.

If you've never heard of any of these or you don't like any of them then we can't be friends!

So here we go, in no particular order:

1.  Let’s Stay Together   Al  Green
2. You’re the Best Thing Yet   Anita Baker
3.  If you Were Here Tonight   Alexander O Neal
4. Sunshine  Alexander O Neal
5.  U Do it For Me  Algebra
6. Afraid  Amel Larrieux
7. Sweet Love   Anita Baker
8. Angel   Angela Winbush
9. My First Love  Rene and Angela
10. You and I  Avant and Keke Wyatt
11. We Go A Long Way Back Bloodstone
12. Love’s Train  Con Funk Shun
13. La La Means I Love You The Delfonics
14. Free Deniece Williams
15. Can’t Hide Love Earth Wind and Fire
16. Reasons Earth Wind and Fire
17. You’re the Only One Eric Benet
18. Runnin  Eric Benet
19. Ain’t No Woman Like the One I Got  The Four Tops
20. Yearning for Your Love  Gap band
21. Tell Me Groove Theory
22. He Is Heather Headley
23. Always and Forever  Heatwave
24. Ready for Love India Arie
25. Don’t Say Goodnight  The Isley Brothers
26. Footsteps in the Dark, Isley Brothers
27. We Both Deserve Each Others Love Jeffrey Osborne
28. Kissing You Keith Washington
29. For You Kenny Lattimore
30. Heaven Sent Keyshia Cole
31. Love Ballad LTD Jeffrey Osborne
32. Forever in your Eyes Mint Condition
33. Lovin You  O Jays
34. Adore Prince
35. Nothing's Ever Felt Like This Rachelle Ferrell & Will Downing
36. Your Smile Rene and Angela
37. No Ordinary Love Sade
38. This is for the Lover in You Shalamar
39. I Wanna Be Closer Switch
40. Just My Imagination Temptations
41. Here I Stand Usher
42. Best Part Daniel Caesar featuring H.E.R
43. Before I Do Sevyn Streeter
44. All I Do Troop
45. Send for Me Atlantic Starr
46. A Love of your Own Average White Band
47. You Raheem DeVaughn
48. Yes  Musiq Soulchild
49. Teach Me Musiq Soulchild
50. 1990X  Maxwell

Still with me?  I'm not saying these are the greatest in the world or that there are some not on the list that should be, but I had to limit myself to 50.  Hopefully you like some of them and they bring back some fond memories for you.   If so, then as a Valentine buddy of mine:

 Feel free to add some of your own  favorites in the comments.  Oh and two last things before I leave:

AND

A picture is worth a thousand words..... ( repost from Jan 2019)

A college friend recently posted a picture of  us of back in the day and honestly it was a picture I don't even remember taking ( old age will do that for you, LOL).  And though I don't remember the event I remember the people, I remember the fun times we had, the bonds we formed and the friendship, laughter and good times.

I can tell from the photo we were at my friend Carolyn's off campus apartment , we were still in our 'Rap" phase where we were hard core rap fans who struck our b girl  crew poses whenever a camera was present.  For those who may not know back then, a b girl was the female equivalent of a b boy, a form of breaker, hiphopper or dancer, someone who was involved largely in the hip hop culture.  I understand the term means something quite different now.   It was also in  our  pre-sorority days  early in our college years because after we pledged anytime a photo was taken the sorority sign would be thrown up.

When my friend sent the picture it did evoke a lot of memories and made me wonder what other pictures were out there, long forgotten , snapshots of good times stored away in the memory banks so I went looking.....

Everyone knows I love a good quote so I found one that really sums up the essence of this blog:

So in seeking some instances out of time I decided to share just a few here.  

I found one of my grandmother in her younger days, sitting barefoot in the sun on the steps of the house we lived in at that time.  This brought back memories of her, the house, my room, and the good times we had there.  I learned to skate and ride a bike there.  I also used to sit on those steps and wait for her to come home from work, so I could tell on everyone else before she got in the house and they tell her what misbehaving I had done :) 

 I love to sit outside in the sun barefoot so the picture reminded me that is probably where I got it from.  The photo also reminds me that our elders were young once and probably have some interesting stories to tell if we would take the time to ask and listen.

There is another of her standing in the shade of a tree so her face is hidden but what draws my attention is her long legs and she's smiling, still barefoot standing in the yard.

  It reminded me of my trip to Africa, once I got out of the water where our ancestors were bathed before taken away to be sold I didn't want to put my shoes back on.  I walked around barefoot while we were there and the earth felt so soft and so cool beneath my feet.  I didn't put my shoes back on until we left to go another destination.

So, three things among the many I got from Mama was enjoying the sunshine, smiling and sitting outside with bare feet.  It reminds me of the Zora Neale Hurston quote:

So this post is dedicated to her, the sun,  smiling, bare feet and taking opportunities to jump at  ( or in my case bask in) the sun.  Love you Mama!