Family Matters

It's that time of year again (Thanksgiving & Christmas) where I have to decide whether to spend the holiday with family, friends or alone.  First let me start off by saying spending the holiday alone does not mean you're lonely.  I love the solitude and quiet, the opportunity to create my own traditions and to walk around in pajamas all day long should I choose to do so.  Spending the holidays with friends is also fun because they're better cooks than me,  I get to laugh at their children's antics and we just have so much fun!  But there is always this small reluctance to go to my hometown and spend that time with family.  Why???  After all, these are the people I love and that love me. I decided to do some soul searching and this is what I came up with.

 Sandra

Going home is not the same any more since the loss of my grandmother and my aunt.  Every family member brings a certain dynamic and my aunt Sandra was the glue that held everyone together.  She was beautiful, personable, funny and people loved to be around her.  She was the one that knew every branch of the family tree and could tell how each and everyone of us was connected to each other.  I talked to her at least once a week and tried to follow her everywhere she went ever since I was a little girl.  Her passing was sudden , unexpected and on all days, Valentine's Day.  How could I lose someone I loved so much on the day that was used to celebrate love?  Why did I have to be the family member who found out first?  That was a hard pill to swallow.

 Grandma

And then there was my grandmother. The one who had me since day one of my birth, the one who raised me to be the woman I am, the one who shaped me, fed me, molded me, nurtured me and was ALWAYS on my side, no matter what.  My teacher, cheerleader, prayer warrior, disciplinarian, advocate and my best friend. Her passing was not so sudden but prolonged over several years, so why couldn't I get used to the fact that she was gone? Could it be because I regretted every argument or backtalk I had ever given her?  Could it be because I wasn't able to say goodbye?  Could it be because every time I looked in a mirror I saw her in my reflection?  Could it be because as I grow older I see her mannerisms and speech and habits in everything I do?

As I grow closer in my walk with God I think that perhaps these two people who were the glue of the family were taken away from us to force those who remained to deal with each other.  To grow closer and learn to rely and depend on each other. And strangely enough we did....  Our relationships have improved and grown stronger.  We are now more affectionate and appreciative of each other and though we have always loved each other we are now able to verbalize that.  It's nothing now to hug, kiss and say I love you on a regular basis.
So my reluctance was because I felt home would not be the same and that I had nothing to go home home to, no place to stay.   I could not have been more wrong!  Of course things are not the same, they never will be, but we still live, love and laugh together.  This past Thanksgiving we ate ( way too much) laughed, joked, talked ( we are so loud!) and had the time of our lives playing the Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii.  I realized that this is home, no matter where I lay my head at night, no matter how much I like my solitude, no matter how much drama we have.  So as I sit here typing and wiping the tears from my eyes I know this is MY family, I love them and they love me and family ALWAYS matters............................