Discovery: The Power of NO

I recently attended a women's retreat at one of my girlfriend's church and we were studying the book The Emotionally Healthy Woman by Geri Scazzero.  While studying this book I learned something about myself.  I have problems saying no.  Amazed that I discovered this about myself after 54 years on this planet, I decided to try to be more cognizant and practice speaking my truth.  The author suggested you speak the truth in the following ways: respectfully, honestly, clearly and timely.

Needless to say, once you determine you're going to do something you are immediately put to the test.  The retreat ended on a Saturday afternoon; I planned on leaving immediately afterward and going home to get some much needed rest.  My friend had been going through some things and decided to go to the mall and do some retail therapy.  Did she ask me to go?  No.  Did I volunteer to go?   Yes.  Test #1 EPIC FAIL

OK, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!!!  Determined to make this happen, my next opportunity came at the place where I spend most of my time: work.  Swamped with my own work and covering for my counterpart who was on vacation we had another team member to email me at the last minute and copy my boss to say she was going to be out during the same time period and needed me to cover some jobs for her.  My response was respectful, honest, timely and clear when I said no and stated my reasons why.  My boss intervened and pointed out that I was the only one who had access to all the programs needed to do the person's job and while she had requested access for others it was too short of notice for tech support to work on it.  Test #2 not my fault, but nevertheless ,FAIL.

I was going to make this thing work so  I made a concerted effort to say what I mean and mean what I say.  The next opportunity presented itself a week later while attending church with my sorority sisters.  My plan was to attend service, pick up some lunch on the way home and enjoy it in front of a movie while getting some much needed rest.  After service the discussion of "Are you hungry?"  "Where are we going to eat ?" " Are you coming?" came up.  I immediately said yes and started to my car when I got a nudge from my conscience.  I went back to the group and said" You know, I'm tired, I think I'm going to go home." and said my goodbyes.  You know what?  The world didn't end!!  Test #3 PASS

Then came the biggest test:  Thanksgiving.  I always go to my hometown and spend time with my family.  I also have standing invitations at three friends houses every year but for some reason this year I wanted to see if I could make my own dinner and spend a peaceful day at home alone.  So after much inner turmoil , debate and prayer I contacted my family and declined ( not without some discussion, LOL), contacted my friends and declined and did what I wanted to do .  Guess what?  The meal was delicious, the day was peaceful and most importantly I did it my way!   Test #4 PASS

So does this mean I have mastered the art of saying no?  I'm still a work in progress but I'm going to keep working at it until it becomes second nature.  This blog and the pictures on it will serve as my reminder.  Sharing it with others will be my accountability.  Wish me luck!

Dear Future (Insert Title Here) Part I ( repost from Feb 2019)

Dear Future .. ( I don't know what to call you yet husband, boyfriend, soulmate?)

There's some things you need to know about me so I thought I'd give you some advance notice now so you won't be thrown totally off guard.  See I'm complicated, I'm serious but not too serious, silly but not too silly, I'm an extroverted introvert, I'm loud and I'm quiet, and I'm bold and I'm shy.  In essence you never know what you're going to get. (Why did that line "Life is like a box of chocolates..just pop in my head?)

So there's a couple of things we need to discuss.  I'm a daddy's girl so if I mention I want something 

 if it's in his power I get it (within reason, and it's not often I ask for anything).  I'm going to need you to get that concept too, but don't worry, I'll do the same for you.  

Travel:

I'm a carefree, happy go lucky person and I like to travel and learn new things, if you do too, great!  If not, I'll see you when I get back; but don't think I won't miss you when I'm gone.  If you want to go by yourself, awesome!  Just don't always leave me behind.

Cooking:

Not my strong suit, I can but I don't get all excited about it and it's not one of my favorite things to do.  I get times where I want to cook and experiment, but I can order a mean takeout!

Music: 

I love it!! Especially Old School R & B, Rap and Jazz.  I'm also a little bit Country and a little bit Rock and Roll, LOL.  So get ready for some singing in my car, in the shower and at random times at home.  Dance moves included on a good day!

SEX:

We'll talk privately but let the bold caps give you a hint.😉

Religion:  

Simply put......

These are  just a few keys to Carol,  until then......................................

A Valentine's Playlist (reposted from Feb 2019)

I recently received a Valentine's Day Playlist from an e-magazine I subscribe to and in the spirit of the holiday (and Black History Month )  and because I am a fan of  love I decided to do my own playlist.   I wanted to limit it to 50 songs ( that was super hard!) and I wanted to include a few newer artists even though I am definitely old school.

If you've never heard of any of these or you don't like any of them then we can't be friends!

So here we go, in no particular order:

1.  Let’s Stay Together   Al  Green
2. You’re the Best Thing Yet   Anita Baker
3.  If you Were Here Tonight   Alexander O Neal
4. Sunshine  Alexander O Neal
5.  U Do it For Me  Algebra
6. Afraid  Amel Larrieux
7. Sweet Love   Anita Baker
8. Angel   Angela Winbush
9. My First Love  Rene and Angela
10. You and I  Avant and Keke Wyatt
11. We Go A Long Way Back Bloodstone
12. Love’s Train  Con Funk Shun
13. La La Means I Love You The Delfonics
14. Free Deniece Williams
15. Can’t Hide Love Earth Wind and Fire
16. Reasons Earth Wind and Fire
17. You’re the Only One Eric Benet
18. Runnin  Eric Benet
19. Ain’t No Woman Like the One I Got  The Four Tops
20. Yearning for Your Love  Gap band
21. Tell Me Groove Theory
22. He Is Heather Headley
23. Always and Forever  Heatwave
24. Ready for Love India Arie
25. Don’t Say Goodnight  The Isley Brothers
26. Footsteps in the Dark, Isley Brothers
27. We Both Deserve Each Others Love Jeffrey Osborne
28. Kissing You Keith Washington
29. For You Kenny Lattimore
30. Heaven Sent Keyshia Cole
31. Love Ballad LTD Jeffrey Osborne
32. Forever in your Eyes Mint Condition
33. Lovin You  O Jays
34. Adore Prince
35. Nothing's Ever Felt Like This Rachelle Ferrell & Will Downing
36. Your Smile Rene and Angela
37. No Ordinary Love Sade
38. This is for the Lover in You Shalamar
39. I Wanna Be Closer Switch
40. Just My Imagination Temptations
41. Here I Stand Usher
42. Best Part Daniel Caesar featuring H.E.R
43. Before I Do Sevyn Streeter
44. All I Do Troop
45. Send for Me Atlantic Starr
46. A Love of your Own Average White Band
47. You Raheem DeVaughn
48. Yes  Musiq Soulchild
49. Teach Me Musiq Soulchild
50. 1990X  Maxwell

Still with me?  I'm not saying these are the greatest in the world or that there are some not on the list that should be, but I had to limit myself to 50.  Hopefully you like some of them and they bring back some fond memories for you.   If so, then as a Valentine buddy of mine:

 Feel free to add some of your own  favorites in the comments.  Oh and two last things before I leave:

AND

A picture is worth a thousand words..... ( repost from Jan 2019)

A college friend recently posted a picture of  us of back in the day and honestly it was a picture I don't even remember taking ( old age will do that for you, LOL).  And though I don't remember the event I remember the people, I remember the fun times we had, the bonds we formed and the friendship, laughter and good times.

I can tell from the photo we were at my friend Carolyn's off campus apartment , we were still in our 'Rap" phase where we were hard core rap fans who struck our b girl  crew poses whenever a camera was present.  For those who may not know back then, a b girl was the female equivalent of a b boy, a form of breaker, hiphopper or dancer, someone who was involved largely in the hip hop culture.  I understand the term means something quite different now.   It was also in  our  pre-sorority days  early in our college years because after we pledged anytime a photo was taken the sorority sign would be thrown up.

When my friend sent the picture it did evoke a lot of memories and made me wonder what other pictures were out there, long forgotten , snapshots of good times stored away in the memory banks so I went looking.....

Everyone knows I love a good quote so I found one that really sums up the essence of this blog:

So in seeking some instances out of time I decided to share just a few here.  

I found one of my grandmother in her younger days, sitting barefoot in the sun on the steps of the house we lived in at that time.  This brought back memories of her, the house, my room, and the good times we had there.  I learned to skate and ride a bike there.  I also used to sit on those steps and wait for her to come home from work, so I could tell on everyone else before she got in the house and they tell her what misbehaving I had done :) 

 I love to sit outside in the sun barefoot so the picture reminded me that is probably where I got it from.  The photo also reminds me that our elders were young once and probably have some interesting stories to tell if we would take the time to ask and listen.

There is another of her standing in the shade of a tree so her face is hidden but what draws my attention is her long legs and she's smiling, still barefoot standing in the yard.

  It reminded me of my trip to Africa, once I got out of the water where our ancestors were bathed before taken away to be sold I didn't want to put my shoes back on.  I walked around barefoot while we were there and the earth felt so soft and so cool beneath my feet.  I didn't put my shoes back on until we left to go another destination.

So, three things among the many I got from Mama was enjoying the sunshine, smiling and sitting outside with bare feet.  It reminds me of the Zora Neale Hurston quote:

So this post is dedicated to her, the sun,  smiling, bare feet and taking opportunities to jump at  ( or in my case bask in) the sun.  Love you Mama!

The DNC Chronicles Part 2

Started off to work today at the normal time and all was well until we got about two blocks away from work.  DETOUR!  Darn, we were so close!  So we decide to go the way we are told and turn around at a parking lot a few blocks away so we can be headed in the right direction.  The lot is full of the SWAT team, DETOUR!  Everywhere we go detour, detour, detour.  We finally get a block away from the lot but it's a one way street going away from the lot.  After a quick look around, no traffic, no police ( that's hard to believe) we make the decision to go for it, quickly!  Success!  I told my co-worker if I ever decide to rob a bank I want her to be my driver, LOL.

Entering the building I run into two of my employees, one with a big smile, the other with a sheepish grin on her face.  I say good morning and ask how they are.  It turns out the one with the grin forgot to put her badge around her neck so she got stopped by security and had to go through her purse until she found the badge.  The one with the big smile decided to play a joke so when asked by security if she could vouch for her co-worker she said no, she'd never seen her before! Luckily we all three have twisted senses of humor so we had a good laugh before starting work.  We also had a little surprise, tote bags with the company name and DNC 2012 printed on them ( I love gifts).

I did actually get some work done in between staring out the window at the buses, people, police on bikes, police on motorcycles, helicopters, security personnel, etc..

 

 

 

Against my better judgement, I decide to take a walk at lunch.  As soon as I step outside I see a group of co-workers and security personnel staring down the street.  Then a bunch of police cars, motorcycles, etc..with sirens blaring race past.  I ask everyone what is so interesting and two blocks away I see a large crowd and tons of law enforcement.  I find out later about 200 marchers tried to make their way up Stonewall Street and  a crowd of about 300 police officers surrounded them, completely blocking off the intersection of Stonewall and Caldwell streets. Protesters pitched a tent at the intersection.  They were protesting a variety of issues   After a nearly two hour standoff they were allowed to march past the convention center, with police escorts of course.

 

I continue my walk and it was surreal, it really is enough to make you paranoid, there was law enforcement everywhere.  Police, security personnel, FBI, sheriff, fire department, EMT"s etc.  I saw police cars and uniforms from Chicago, DC, Virginia, West Virginia and Pennsylvania to name a few.  A lot of the restaurants were closed except for the pricier ones like Ruth's Chris, McCormick and Schmidt's and Chima.  Very few of the reasonably priced ones were open but Subway and the pizza place in Latta Arcade.  We had already been told we may want to bring our lunch this week so I was prepared.  A lot of the streets are not only closed, but fenced off and forget about going into a bank.  No mail is being delivered downtown this week.

 

On the bright side, there are lots of vendors and volunteers to answer questions.  There are also a lot of friendly delegates from all over the United States.  How do I know this?  Because just about everyone you see is wearing some sort of identification around their neck, LOL.  Some of the highlights of my walk were the colorful Google building

 

 

  and the 1911 United bus ( I see you, Omega Psi Phi and Kappa Alpha Psi!)

 

 



 

So that's it for now, except for one last thing, earlier last week we were told to leave for work at least  one hour earlier to ensure we arrived  on time ( negative) and today we were told due to heavier traffic than expected that we should leave two hours earlier than usual ( double negative) I guess I'll be two hours late for work tomorrow.  I'll blame it on old age..............

 

 

 

Read more here: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2012/09/04/3502701/hundreds-of-protesters-police.html#storylink=cpy



The DNC Chronicles Part 1

So they announce the Democratic National Convention will be held in Charlotte, everyone is hype, the city is excited, it's the talk of the town.  Me?  I really didn't have much to say, didn't make me a difference one way or the other, didn't think it would affect my life at all.  I couldn't have been more wrong!  My work life if nothing else was about to undergo some renovations...

At first there were only subtle changes, waxed floors, cleaner building ( why they don't just do this for us I don't know) and then they replaced all of the blown out light bulbs.  So I suddenly went from working at a place I affectionately call the "domicile of the damned"  to Charlotte Douglas International Airport.  It's so freaking bright in here you would have no problem landing a plane inside.

Then I travel to another floor to get a snack.  I'm pass an office, then another office.....WAIT! There was only one office here, I'm sure of it.  Maybe I'm losing my mind so I back up and look again.  One office, two offices.. I've been working hard but didn't realize I was working that hard.  So I go to get confirmation from a co-worker.  " Is there a new office on the 3rd floor that wasn't there before?"  My co-worker replies in the affirmative, which eases my mind that the little bit of sanity and memory I have is still intact.

Days later we receive an email telling us that we need to get our photos on our work ID's updated.  Really? Seriously? I've been on this job 22 years, my badge works fine, why change it now?  So I pull it out of my purse to look at my picture and it's so worn you can't see the picture.  It looks like this........

 

 OK I admit I need another badge!  Downstairs I go to get a new ID.  I'm feeling nostalgic and I tell the security guard I'm going to miss the old one since I was only 26 years old when the photo was taken.  She asks me if I'd like my old badge back for old times sake.  I tell her no, my face looks the same, but if I could have the 26 year old body back I'd appreciate it, please and thank you!  Unfortunately she couldn't help me with that one.

 

Lately I have been hearing the sound of hammers and drills close by.  I look out of the window expecting it to be construction but no, the sounds are coming from inside the building.  Usually when I leave my office I go to the right and nothing has changed there so I venture to the left to see what is going on.  Lo and behold, a small colony of  cubicles has emerged from where none were previously located and I'm told that is where NPR will be located during the convention.  Oh goody, I'll now have tons of neighbors where previously I had worked in relative silence except for my small radio.  Thanks DNC!

 

Friday I decided I would go to lunch somewhere close by so I venture out to go the block and a half to one of my favorite restaurants.  I could not count the number of security personnel, black vehicles with tinted windows, and delivery trucks I saw in that short distance.  By now I'm feeling rather paranoid so I decide to get lunch to go and return to the familiarity of my office. When I repeat what I've seen to people they excitedly ask " Did you see any snipers?"  Uh no, I wasn't looking for any.  Isn't the point of being a sniper is to NOT be seen? 

 

All of this excitement and the convention hasn't even started yet.  I'm really getting too old for this.......

 

 

,

 

 

 

 

Family Matters

It's that time of year again (Thanksgiving & Christmas) where I have to decide whether to spend the holiday with family, friends or alone.  First let me start off by saying spending the holiday alone does not mean you're lonely.  I love the solitude and quiet, the opportunity to create my own traditions and to walk around in pajamas all day long should I choose to do so.  Spending the holidays with friends is also fun because they're better cooks than me,  I get to laugh at their children's antics and we just have so much fun!  But there is always this small reluctance to go to my hometown and spend that time with family.  Why???  After all, these are the people I love and that love me. I decided to do some soul searching and this is what I came up with.

 Sandra

Going home is not the same any more since the loss of my grandmother and my aunt.  Every family member brings a certain dynamic and my aunt Sandra was the glue that held everyone together.  She was beautiful, personable, funny and people loved to be around her.  She was the one that knew every branch of the family tree and could tell how each and everyone of us was connected to each other.  I talked to her at least once a week and tried to follow her everywhere she went ever since I was a little girl.  Her passing was sudden , unexpected and on all days, Valentine's Day.  How could I lose someone I loved so much on the day that was used to celebrate love?  Why did I have to be the family member who found out first?  That was a hard pill to swallow.

 Grandma

And then there was my grandmother. The one who had me since day one of my birth, the one who raised me to be the woman I am, the one who shaped me, fed me, molded me, nurtured me and was ALWAYS on my side, no matter what.  My teacher, cheerleader, prayer warrior, disciplinarian, advocate and my best friend. Her passing was not so sudden but prolonged over several years, so why couldn't I get used to the fact that she was gone? Could it be because I regretted every argument or backtalk I had ever given her?  Could it be because I wasn't able to say goodbye?  Could it be because every time I looked in a mirror I saw her in my reflection?  Could it be because as I grow older I see her mannerisms and speech and habits in everything I do?

As I grow closer in my walk with God I think that perhaps these two people who were the glue of the family were taken away from us to force those who remained to deal with each other.  To grow closer and learn to rely and depend on each other. And strangely enough we did....  Our relationships have improved and grown stronger.  We are now more affectionate and appreciative of each other and though we have always loved each other we are now able to verbalize that.  It's nothing now to hug, kiss and say I love you on a regular basis.
So my reluctance was because I felt home would not be the same and that I had nothing to go home home to, no place to stay.   I could not have been more wrong!  Of course things are not the same, they never will be, but we still live, love and laugh together.  This past Thanksgiving we ate ( way too much) laughed, joked, talked ( we are so loud!) and had the time of our lives playing the Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii.  I realized that this is home, no matter where I lay my head at night, no matter how much I like my solitude, no matter how much drama we have.  So as I sit here typing and wiping the tears from my eyes I know this is MY family, I love them and they love me and family ALWAYS matters............................