Family Matters

It's that time of year again (Thanksgiving & Christmas) where I have to decide whether to spend the holiday with family, friends or alone.  First let me start off by saying spending the holiday alone does not mean you're lonely.  I love the solitude and quiet, the opportunity to create my own traditions and to walk around in pajamas all day long should I choose to do so.  Spending the holidays with friends is also fun because they're better cooks than me,  I get to laugh at their children's antics and we just have so much fun!  But there is always this small reluctance to go to my hometown and spend that time with family.  Why???  After all, these are the people I love and that love me. I decided to do some soul searching and this is what I came up with.

 Sandra

Going home is not the same any more since the loss of my grandmother and my aunt.  Every family member brings a certain dynamic and my aunt Sandra was the glue that held everyone together.  She was beautiful, personable, funny and people loved to be around her.  She was the one that knew every branch of the family tree and could tell how each and everyone of us was connected to each other.  I talked to her at least once a week and tried to follow her everywhere she went ever since I was a little girl.  Her passing was sudden , unexpected and on all days, Valentine's Day.  How could I lose someone I loved so much on the day that was used to celebrate love?  Why did I have to be the family member who found out first?  That was a hard pill to swallow.

 Grandma

And then there was my grandmother. The one who had me since day one of my birth, the one who raised me to be the woman I am, the one who shaped me, fed me, molded me, nurtured me and was ALWAYS on my side, no matter what.  My teacher, cheerleader, prayer warrior, disciplinarian, advocate and my best friend. Her passing was not so sudden but prolonged over several years, so why couldn't I get used to the fact that she was gone? Could it be because I regretted every argument or backtalk I had ever given her?  Could it be because I wasn't able to say goodbye?  Could it be because every time I looked in a mirror I saw her in my reflection?  Could it be because as I grow older I see her mannerisms and speech and habits in everything I do?

As I grow closer in my walk with God I think that perhaps these two people who were the glue of the family were taken away from us to force those who remained to deal with each other.  To grow closer and learn to rely and depend on each other. And strangely enough we did....  Our relationships have improved and grown stronger.  We are now more affectionate and appreciative of each other and though we have always loved each other we are now able to verbalize that.  It's nothing now to hug, kiss and say I love you on a regular basis.
So my reluctance was because I felt home would not be the same and that I had nothing to go home home to, no place to stay.   I could not have been more wrong!  Of course things are not the same, they never will be, but we still live, love and laugh together.  This past Thanksgiving we ate ( way too much) laughed, joked, talked ( we are so loud!) and had the time of our lives playing the Michael Jackson Experience on the Wii.  I realized that this is home, no matter where I lay my head at night, no matter how much I like my solitude, no matter how much drama we have.  So as I sit here typing and wiping the tears from my eyes I know this is MY family, I love them and they love me and family ALWAYS matters............................

It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men!

I should be ashamed.  I've got all of these men in my life and I never realized how many of them there are and how often I depend on them.   I am only going to use part of their names to protect their identity but I just had to tell you all about these guys because I really can't let them go, it's like I'm addicted to them!  I would suggest you single ladies get with these men too and even you married ones if your husband isn't doing the job.  So here we go with guy number one...

I see this guy only about 4 times a year and only when I pay him.  I had to sign a contract even to be with him!  He's cheap sometimes and sometimes he's expensive and even though I don't see him that often when I need him, I need him!  This would be my HVAC guy Kelvin S.

Guy number two I never see, I talk to him on the phone occasionally but I do know that when he comes around he gets the job done quickly.  He shows up like clockwork every two weeks  and brings a whole group of people with him.  Just like guy number one I had to sign a contract just to be with him!  I can't live without this guy, especially during the summer.  I desperately need him!  This would be my landscaper Robert S.

I call guy number three every couple of years though I really should call him a lot more often.  He likes to be paid too, but I'm not under contract.  He just likes you to leave the payment in some prearranged hiding space for him to pick up when the job is done.   I really need him, but I neglect him. I'm ashamed to say I don't even know his name, just the name of his company.  So we'll just call him A.   This would be my gutter and window cleaner, as well as my pressure washer.

I'm happy to say I don't see guy number four that much, but he's good at what he does and he never touches a thing without telling me how much it's going to cost me.  He has this wonderful English accent!  This is my mechanic Paul J.

You would think four would be enough but recently a new guy has come into my life.  He's friendly, relatively inexpensive, gets the job done quickly but I really hate having him around and I've seen entirely too much of him this year!  This is my plumber Jim H.

And you know this is still not enough...I'm looking for guy number six!  I've had a couple of references but haven't interviewed anyone yet.  This would be my handyman.  I  have a honey do list a mile long,but no honey to do it.

So these are the men in my life. What did you all think I was talking about??  Shame on you!  I'm not that kind of girl! 

 I was hoping that any guy I dated would be able to fit the bill so I could get rid of at least two or three of these guys, but alas, it hasn't happened yet.  I could probably do some of this stuff myself, I just don't want to!

 So, Dear Mr. Right, please pay attention to the jobs listed above and see if you can't help me out.  As I'm growing older gracefully so is my car, house and yard and we really need your help.  In exchange, I'm willing to consider taking up cooking and cleaning (maybe).  Thanks in advance

C.

No Shame In My Game

My friend Carla started a list of things she's not ashamed of.  She's trying to get to 43 things (she's 43 years old) and her list inspired me to create one of my own.  I'm not going to try to get to 46 but I'll share a few with you here.  Maybe I'll include more in future blogs.  So here's a few of my things I should be ashamed of but I'm not:

1.  I am a daddy's girl.  I admit it. Always have been, always will be.  It's fortunate that I'm his only child because I'm not willing to share. He's mine, mine, mine!

2.   I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I really don't want to work at all but since I'm not independently wealthy and my dad won't support me I have to work. I don't gamble or play the lottery so I have to work.  Darn!

3.  I sing along with the radio in my car.  LOUDLY.  Even when I get home in the driveway.   I know my neighbors get a big kick out of my serenades and the dance routines that sometimes accompany them.  Music moves my soul and is a big part of my family's life and is as much a part of me as breathing.  America's Got Talent, here I come!

4.  I can be intimidating to some people who don't know me.  I am aware of this and sometimes I intend to be :)  I am actually quite reserved until I get to know you and sometimes that can come off as cold or aloof.  Don't be scared.  I'm really nice, I don't bite (usually). 

5.  I don't follow all the rules I was brought up with.  I don't make my bed every day ( ask my college roommate about that), I don't clean my house every Saturday and do laundry every Saturday and I very rarely eat vegetables, just meat.

6.  I don't like to let people know how smart I am.  I'd rather be underestimated, it gives me the element of surprise.  I believe in never letting anyone know everything you know.

7.  I think, no, I know , I'm cute.  You are too!  My parents didn't make any ugly children. I believe God didn't create any ugly people.  It's just people's behavior sometimes that makes them ugly.

8.  Even though I am calm, peaceful and try to live a stress free life I am a product of my environment and if I have to get "ghetto" sometimes, I will.   I let a LOT of things go , but push too hard and feel the wrath.  You have been warned.

9. I have a crush.  No, I'm not telling who! Not until I tell him first and that may take years, LOL.

10. I am addicted to reality crime shows.  Why? I don't know.  I just am.  Maybe I'm trying to figure out how to commit the perfect crime.  LOL

That's enough for now, you all don't have to know ALL my bad habits.  Ten is enough.  I don't want to ruin your perfect image of me.  After all I'm old enough to know better..........................

Goin Fishing

You all know the Chinese Proverb "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime"?  Good stuff right?  WRONG !  Some people just don't want to know how to fish. 

Today, for example at work I was asked to run a report by someone whom I've told how to run said report at least five times and I know other people have told them as well.  I politely told that person I would be happy to show them how to run the report at which they looked at me like I was crazy and turned and walked away. ( Breathe, Carol, breathe!)  Being the mature individual that I am, after all I am trying to grow old gracefully, I went to my computer and typed specific instructions with nice looking screen prints.  Printed it out and took them to the person.  As I approached I said" I have this for you" and they jumped up and said "It's the report I need right?" and I calmly said "No, it's the instructions on how to print the report you need, I'm on my way to lunch."

Did I get a thank you for teaching them how to fish?  NO!  I wanted to take the proverbial fishing pole and shove it where the sun don't shine but the growing old gracefully manual says I can't do that .

I'm thinking tomorrow we'll play baseball and I'll take a Louisville Slugger to work........

Don't worry, I'll swing gracefully ;)

So why blog?

Blogging is something I had intended to do for a while.  Why?  I don't know, maybe as a means of self expression, maybe because I can, maybe because I'm grown... I really can't say.  But here goes...

Growing old (not so) gracefully is really tongue in cheek because the older I get the more I love the woman I've become.  I constantly discover new things about myself.  I've become more of a listener and observer than a talker (you learn a lot that way) and I LOVE my life!  Is everything perfect? Of course not but overall I can't complain.  I care less about what others think of me and more of what God thinks of me.  I've learned to let a lot of things go and not worry about things that are beyond my control and most importantly I've learned that when people show you who they are believe them!

I truly believe you're only as old as you feel, so depending on which day you ask me I may be 2, 21 or 91.  I still have hopes, dreams, fantasies, aspirations....  Now don't get me wrong, you won't catch me in the club dropping it like it's hot, getting my eagle on or whatever the heck it is young people are doing nowadays.  Some of the more contemporary artists and their lyrics I just can't listen to, however I can dance, will dance and sometimes it may not be as dignified as some may feel it ought to be ( depends on if "my song" is on and who my dance partner is).  Maybe that's one of my purposes for blogging - to let my younger friends know life doesn't end at 35, 40 or whatever.  We old fogies have fun too, we party, we date and yes we have SEX (shh, don't tell) but you won't be hearing too much about that from me (LOL).

Yes we have Facebook pages and are on other social networks as well (it cracks me up when my younger relatives thinks OMG she's on FB, how cute!)  and I always get a good laugh when my younger sorors are lamenting about turning almost 25 or 30 or whatever ( child please!).  I'm determined to live life to the fullest so you won't hear me complaining about turning 50, 60 100( God willing) etc..  Every day I can wake up in my right mind with a sound body is a good one.

So anyway, that's my spill for now.  Take care and live life to the fullest.  Guess what?? You just grew older reading this!  But that's o.k. as long as you do it not so gracefully.....